I really don’t know anymore…. I think about Scott and me… and I don’t know… I’ve never told anyone this before but I’ve been having second thoughts about us before all this. This year he is supposed to go away to college. He got into MIT. It’s awesome, it’s where he really wanted to go but it is so far away. I’ve heard too many horror stories about long distance relationships. They never seem to work out well. I tried talking to Scott about it but he just laughs at me and says everything will be all right…. I thought he might be wrong… I just didn’t know in what way… But who could have seen the advent of the RCCs.
I always thought that if Scott and I continued to be together I’d have one of those moments you see in movies all the time where I go to his college to surprise him. Maybe a road trip with Pat and/or Tammy and when I get to his room I find him in there with another girl. I know, cliché. What I didn’t expect was that after only a few days of being away from him I’d start finding myself very attracted to someone else.
I’ve always tried to be so good… the perfect girlfriend, the perfect daughter. I’ve always done what I was supposed to do… Scott is the perfect boyfriend. My parents like him… They are friends with his parents. I’ve known him since kindergarten, though I wasn’t friends with him. I was surprised as anyone when he asked me out because he never seemed particularly interested before. He was one of the many people who instantly rolled their eyes the minute I opened my mouth or at least that’s what I thought. He’s smart and good looking. He’s the captain of the chess team and he’s the student body president. Despite what Jonathan, Tammy, and Pat say, I think Scott and I have always gotten along well. I’ve always assumed that I was in love with him…. But now I’m not so sure. How can I be in love with him but be attracted to 2 other guys?
Maybe I’m worrying too much. Maybe it is normal… to be attracted to other people. Before the kiss, if it was only Cameron, I wouldn’t be as worried. I’m pretty sure it’s a lust thing with him… Have you seen how hot he is… damn!!!! I don’t think I’ve gotten to know him well enough even though to be honest I’ve tried. Cause again… damn!!!! But he’s hard to reach. He’s encased in this shell formed from losing his sister and then losing his mom on the cruise. I’m sure getting beaten by the agents doesn’t help. I didn’t really think he even saw me… He was too ensconced in his own pain and guilt. But then there was the kiss and it was like wow… and well I’m not sure if I care if I don’t know him that well anymore. I can’t even look him straight in the eye anymore without looking down and blushing.
But Jonathan, he’s completely another matter. Jonathan and I’ve always been best friends. He, Tammy, and I were best friends growing up. We grew apart sometime in junior high but we’ve become friends again since then. Scott had never understood our friendship. He was always sure that Jonathan was hitting on me or something or that there was more between Jonathan and I then just being friends. I always told him that he was silly.
I’m still sure Jonathan only sees me as a friend. Maybe it was being shot in the head. Or maybe it was realizing that through all the scary situations out there… Jonathan would always have my back but I started realizing… maybe Scott was right to be worried. Not because of anything Jonathan has done but because of me.